In this corner, still the current champion of weekly story compilations, weighing in at 6 awesome stories...ladies and gentlemen, I give to you...the Foodbeast Weekly Katchup!
You may have missed out on all the shenanigans we've gotten into this past week, but fear not, for now is your chance at redemption!
Check out the video above find out where to get Big Mac sauce, the most expensive picture of a potato we've ever seen, and...gold-encrusted pizza?! WTF?!
1. McDonald's Big Mac Sauce For Sale
Well it's about damn time, McDonald's! The uber-popular fast food chain has finally started selling their Big Mac sauce by the bottle.
Unfortunately, this is a limited-time offer, and it's only available in Australia. Still, I'm sure we can convince our friends down under to save a couple of bottles for us.
2. The Golden Donut
This $100 work of edible art is made by hand, then it's topped with stuffed with purple ube mousse and Cristal jelly. Finally, it's covered in enough gold to make Goldmember's skin start spontaneously flaking.
And yes, that Cristal. The same one you would find in music videos being poured down supermodels' throats by any number of 1998's most popular rappers.
3. $1.5 Million Dollar Potato Photograph
I don't know which is worse, the fact that somebody paid that much for a picture of a potato, or the fact that apparently I could have been selling sexy potato pictures for buttloads of cash this whole time.
With that in mind, there is something to be said about my overwhelming desire for fries and hash browns right now...
4. Crazy Kitty Coffee Art
Elena is just like you and me, only when she spills coffee on her paperwork, she puts out some insanely dope stuff.
Not only did she manage to capture the essence of each cat in her artwork, but she also painted them in such a surrealist way that, if you think about it, the photographs of the art are art themselves.
Go ahead let that sink in while I start splashing Dr. Pepper on construction paper until one of the stains makes a German shepherd.
5. The Chicken Nugget Heist of 2016
Surely we've all dreamed of that one moment in a parallel universe where we stand up at our desks, throw shit at our obnoxious coworkers, then leave a big pile of steaming shit on our boss's desk. No? Just me? Oh.
Well, one lucky guy got to live out the dream of his parallel universe. On his way out on his last day working for Burger King, John Correa made sure to leave a lasting impression by stealing all of the branch's chicken nuggets. One thing we know for sure he didn't leave...is hungry.
6. The Golden Pizza
Pizza Hut is in the news again, only this time it's for something other than their drug-dealing employees.
Exactly 50 gold-encrusted pizzas will be sent out on Super Bowl Sunday to 50 lucky customers. *The catch, though, is that you have to order one of Pizza Hut's Golden Garlic Knots Pizzas.
*Note: You will not receive an Oompa Loompa-guided tour of the Pizza Hut factory if you win, despite what you may have heard about a marinara river that runs through the factory.