My Name Is Kanye West And I’m Pizza Hut’s Newest Employee

My name is Kanye Omari West, and you might have seen my work … everywhere. However, over the years I’ve earned a clean ass $53 million in debt that’s been pretty hard to get out of. Mark Zuckerberg doesn’t want to invest in my ideas, I’m not selling my album anywhere and everyone’s just hating on my Go Fund Me campaign, but being at the top of the game isn’t easy.

Yeah, I still rock a Rollie, I still cruise in the Mercy and I’m still sippin’ on that Dom Perignon for no reason, but I have to find a new way to pay for all that.

@kanyewest Please give us a call about your job application. Thanks.

— Pizza Hut UK (@pizzahutuk) February 15, 2016

I see you, Pizza Hut. You think you’ve got all the jokes, wearing the cool pants and sending the cool Tweets, thinking Kanye West won’t see, but I’m the one who’s gonna take your business to the next level. Kanye West gets his hands dirty, and now you’re going to feel it first hand as your legendary new employee is ready to make a difference, but with a few reasonable demands:

Welcome, Pablo

First off, my nametag has to say “Pablo,” an ode to the greatest album of all time, my new album, “The Life of Pablo.” Every time someone reads my name tag, they’ll find the type of inspiration that’s been lacking at Pizza Hut.

Yeezy Pies

I must have full creative control over new pizza ideas. If you thought stuffing hot dogs in ya crust and sprinkling gold flakes over them was crazy, wait ’til you see the new Yeezy pies made with diamond flakes and Vera Wang pizza boxes.

The only catch is my exclusive pizzas can only be ordered through my big brother Jay-Z’s super successful Tidal app.

Kimoji Pizza Orders

Y’all messed up by letting Dominos take that pizza emoji ordering concept, having people runnin’ around Twitter sending pizza emojis, but I got you. Now hooked up with the Kimoji app, people can order some Pizza Hut by Tweeting Kim Kardashian’s ass emoji.

Free Pizza With Purchase of Clothing Line Item

It’s like no one wants to buy any of my Yeezy clothing. $3,000 to look like a homeless man from the future is pretty reasonable if you ask me, but people aren’t buying in. One thing people do love is free stuff, so from now on, every order of a Yeezy clothing item will come with a MEDIUM, 1-TOPPING pizza, with a side of breadsticks. Watch them sales skyrocket, bruh.

New Delivery Boy Rules

Every delivery boy must subscribe to Tidal and listen to “The Life of Pablo” while making their deliveries. Every time they pull up to a house, they have to roll down their windows and blast the part where I talk about me and Taylor Swift having sex. Yeah, that line was HOT haha.

Employees can’t wear Nike

Pizza Hut is now under Adidas control. Any other clothing line will not be tolerated. Adidas shoes, Adidas uniforms, Adidas aprons, Adidas cash registers and Adidas ovens. Everything!