In which Tabasco is a dapper, crotchety old gentleman and Sriracha is a hip and trendy cock.
Okay folks, let’s rap. More precisely, let’s rap about Sriracha.
Sriracha is one of those internet-famous things, like bacon and memes, that everyone knows about and has loved since – I dunno – FOREVER, but no one really remembers the origins of, nor can even imagine ever having lived without.
But I’m here to remind you that, yes, we did have something else. Some other source of fire and heat with which we could all brighten our days and fill our otherwise meaningless lives with joy and fulfillment.
That’s right, I’m talking about Tabasco.
Slim, glass, respectably designed and brought to us by the fine gentlemen over at McIlhenny in Louisiana?
Known for its cutting, vinegary-taste and its whopping 2,500 rating on the Scoville scale (about 50% the heat of a jalapeno, but still a good 300 points over Sriracha, thank you very much)?
Well, enough is enough. “Open your brain tank brah, ‘cause here comes some premium 91 octane knowledge.”
For starters, Tabasco is a work of art.
Following the company’s century’s old tradition, the peppers used for Tabasco are handpicked, ground into mash and placed in oak aging barrels for up to three years. Then, once the peppers have adequately matured, the mash is strained, mixed with vinegar and left to age again for another month before finally being bottled. You see how careful and involved that process is? It’s practically the same as whiskey. Fancy-shmancy oak barrel whiskey!