Last year we learned what happened when an anonymous girl jumped on Tinder and posed as a cheeseburger cleverly named Patty. She used the profile to determine which characteristics men most often displayed in conversations with her: hungry or horny?

It turns out that they were all a little bit of both! Which got me thinking, 'How would girls respond if they were being hit on by, oh I don't know...a glass of wine, perhaps?'

So I did the next logical thing...

I signed up for Tinder:

Photo Nov 20, 4 14 09 PM

Since I'm just a glass of wine and don't have fingers (woe is me), I had my friend Sean Fahmy help me out by typing my responses for me.

Some girls loved the idea of opening up to a glass of wine. Some didn't care much for what I said, they were just excited to be talking to alcohol. A surprising number completely ignored me altogether (hey, more me for me!). Some marveled at the fact that a charming yet perverted little glass of wine could talk, while others took all of my liquid advances in stride, even volleying back a few clever lines here and there.

I also used a few lines more than once. There are only so many puns about my people that I can come up with, and EVERY SINGLE GIRL swiped right on me, leaving me with over 300 matches in two days. Normally I would have made my way into all of their hearts and bellies, but Sean keeps "wining" about his fingers hurting from typing so much. Dude is acting like a real box of wine. BE LESS SQUARE, BRO.

 

The Ladies

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andrea-drunk

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raven-drunk1

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johanna

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jessica

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alicia

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jordan

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jordan karen

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lori

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hayley

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jackie-front ali

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abby

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jessica-2

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nicole

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kaylin

Clearly some of these girls already had some of me before they started Tindering.

Sean Fahmy

Sean's favorite foods are hot wings, cheeseburgers, seafood and gummy candy. He will likely die from both diabetes and obesity, or "diabesity." He's cool with that.