Why Creamy Peanut Butter Is — And Always Will Be — Better Than Chunky

It’s an age old debate which in truth reveals much more about a person than simple taste preference: Creamy or Chunky?

But the way I see it, it isn’t really that much of a debate, and it really has only two possible outcomes. You can either enjoy peanut butter the way it’s meant to be enjoyed (the very valid reasons for which are listed below). Or you can be terribly, terribly wrong.

_______________

Creamy is smooth.

Picthx Wellthy

It’s refined.

Picthx Open Source Food

It’s the kinda nut butter you’d be proud to take home to your parents.

Picthx Sun Coast Coop

And spend long nights all snuggled up with by the fireplace, reading Ernest Hemingway and drinking Cabernet Sauvignon.

Recipe for Peanut Butter Pot de Crème with Red Wine Suicide here.

It isn’t lumpy or rough around the edges.

Picthx Pretty Yummy Foods

And when it comes to sexy times, you just know it’d be a lot gentler than chunky would, in all the right ways.

Picthx Sun Orchard

And speaking of sexy times, the name “Creamy” just sounds sexier.

Picthx Windy Sydney

Try it with me for a sec.

Picthx Peanut Butter Lovers

Creamy.

Picthx Cook Republic

Ooh, yeahh, creamyyy.

Picthx whoaitsaimz

OH MY GOD, CREEAAAMYYYYYY!

Picthx predrink

Frankly, chunky peanut butter just can’t compare.

Picthx Lucky Taste Buds

It isn’t smooth, it isn’t refined, it isn’t even fully developed.

Picthx Frugal Village

It’s like someone was in the middle of making perfect, delicious, velvety-smooth butter and then decided—fuggit!–#YOLO

Picthx French Fries to Flax Seeds

And left all these awful, jagged pieces of peanut lying around.

Picthx Little Things Big Things

But the texture is what makes it delicious? Please. I mean, why don’t you just eat plain peanuts if you love the texture so damn much?

Picthx Wiki

Just look at those things.

Picthx ardentepicure

They look like measles.

Picthx KMKeen

Or vomit chunks, ew.

Picthx Gourmet Gibbs

And I don’t want them anywhere near my precious peanut butter.

Picthx Photo Fenix

Not to mention the fact chunky peanut butter is super anti-social and terrible at mixers.

Picthx Cooking Whims

Or the completely-verified, completely-scientific fact that creamy is 78% less likely to kill you or break your teeth (probably).

Picthx javcon

Plus, according to this guy, chunky peanut butter is for communists.

In sum, creamy peanut butter is the best kind of peanut butter, period.

Picthx Pretty Yummy Foods

I rest my case. Court dismissed, bring in the dancing bananas.