Panda Express Launches Orange Chicken and Broccoli Beef Milkshakes Nationwide [APRIL FOOLS]


Move over, fortune cookie: it's high time we got a different kind of dessert with our chow mein. Chinese-American mega-chain Panda Express just announced its new line of entree-inspired milkshakes, available today at all participating locations nationwide.

Previously tested in select markets in Washington, Colorado, and Southern California, the shakes come in flavors inspired by two of Panda's most popular dishes: "Orange Chicken" and "Broccoli Beef." The OC features a refreshing, vanilla-citrus base blended with pieces of real chicken and topped with a spicy-sweet orange drizzle, while the BB buries pieces of whole steamed broccoli beneath a sweet fusion of chocolate, beef, and soy sauce. Unlike their meal counterparts, each drink is part of Panda Express' "Wok Smart" menu at only 100 calories a pop, or 50 if you get them half and half.


We visited one our local spots to try the bizarre concoctions early, and were pleasantly surprised. Though the Broccoli Beef was pretty damn undrinkable (more broccoli than beef), the Orange Chicken was sweet, and mildly resembled a richer, more savory orange creamsicle. During our tasting we did receive a couple uneasy side glances from our fellow eaters, but were immediately reassured by some kind words from some old, crackery friends:

"You are admired for your impeccable taste."



Damn straight.