If you woke up this morning prepared to have your childhood ruined in one fell swoop, then boy, are you in luck! Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory, a beloved children's book and film, has been hiding the most sordid of euphemisms this entire time.
In the famed scene where Wonka shows the children and their guardians his latest invention, lickable wallpaper, the eccentric candymaker invites them to sample the wallpaper for themselves. As his guests proceed to lick the various flavors, he famously touts: "Lick an orange. It tastes like an orange. The strawberries taste like strawberries! The snozzberries taste like snozzberries!"
We all giggle at the reference to "snozzberries," and as kids, we assumed it was an innocuous made-up word for some sort of awesome, delicious fruit. Turns out, the book's author, Roald Dahl, had a sick sense of humor and snozzberries have been dicks all along. Yes, snozzberries are dicks, and Charlie and his grandpa were licking dick-flavored wallpaper.
As Cracked points out, Dahl revisited snozzberries in his 1979 novel My Uncle Oswald, 15 years after Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory was published. The adult novel involves Oswald Hendryks Cornelius, aka the "greatest fornicator of all time," and his accomplice Yasmin Howcomely. The two scheme to sell the semen of famous men to women who desire to child famous progeny.
The "Snozzberry" reference is made when Howcomely details her rendezvous with George Bernard Shaw:
"How did you manage to roll the old rubbery thing on him?"
"There's only one way when they get violent," Yasmin said. "I grabbed hold of his snozzberry and hung onto it like grim death and gave it a twist or two to make him hold still."
"I'll bet it is."
"You can lead them around anywhere you want like that."
"It's like putting a twitch on a horse."
So, there you have it ladies and gents. Roald Dahl, history's biggest troll, made kids taste penis paper and we didn't even know it.