The Horrible Drinks You Have In College
Everybody makes mistakes, but the world universally decided that college was the place to make most of them. Whether you only had a handful of wild nights or were a social butterfly, one of these drinks likely led to your face getting intimate with a toilet.
Malibu Bay Breeze
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If Cillian Murphy’s portrayal of an assassin in Red Eye, didn’t make you terrified to trust another Malibu Bay Breeze, your evolving palate should have eventually gotten you to drop this tangy, but sweet drink.
Since most bartenders don’t care about Malibu and are constantly trying to get rid of it, you always get at least double the rum. Perfect for a budget, but awful for your stomach.
Vomit Countdown: 3-5 drinks or 15 minutes after whenever you start playing 80s power ballads on the jukebox.
Long Island Iced Tea
Photo Credit: Eduardo Quagliato
This ultimate “I need to get drunk right now” drink uses just about every type of alcohol except for whiskey. Any story that starts with you ordering a LIIT typically ends in sorrow, stomach-pumping, and/or the complete and utter destruction of a friendship.
But there’s nothing quite like that first hour’s euphoria.
Vomit Countdown: 2-4 drinks or 10 minutes after you start dancing on bar furniture.
Vodka Tonic
Photo Credit: Andi Szilagyi
While this drink transcends age, the main problem with drinking a vodka tonic in college was that you had no idea what good vodka tasted like/couldn’t afford to not choose the well vodka. As a result, you end up drinking rubbing alcohol with a lime and develop an undeserved aversion to vodka.
Vomit Countdown: 4-8 drinks; 3 if it’s Everclear.
Jager Shots
Jagermeister is having a renaissance at the moment thanks to ballsy mixologists, but, in pure shot form, it’s still wildly polarizing.
Vomit Countdown: 5-12 shots (I know you don’t remember that one night, but Sara’s couch definitely does) or about three seconds after you say “I don’t feel so hot.”
Jungle Juice
Jungle juice, the dementor of the mixed drink community, will take away all the fun memories you’re making while you drink it. But you probably wouldn’t have done any of those things without this potion anyway.
Vomit Countdown: 1-2 Solo Cups or 20 minutes after calling your ex.
Andre
Look, we all love mimosas and nothing drowns out the astringent taste of Andre like fruit juice, but there are so many better inexpensive sparkling wines to grab. Just go up a shelf. One shelf.
Vomit Countdown: You could probably down a few bottles before ralphing, but the headache will kick in about a bottle in.
