Nestle Launches ‘Premium’ Hot Pockets, Because Millennials are Too Smart to Eat Cardboard Anymore

I’m not sure when it happened. Maybe after my mom stopped packing my school lunches. In any case, I haven’t touched a Hot Pocket in years, but I don’t remember them tasting good. In fact, I don’t remember them tasting like much of anything except maybe dry “pocket crust” and the two slices of salami that didn’t fill out the insides.

Well, Nestle wants you to know all that has changed. Supposedly anyway. This week, in conjunction with the product’s 30th anniversary, Hot Pockets is launching a new line of microwavable sandwiches made with “premium” ingredients including Hickory Ham, Angus Beef, Signature Pepperoni and White Meat Chicken, along with new garlic-butter, croissant and pretzel crusts.

The change was brought about to appeal to millennials, who are “drawn to the appeal of fresher, healthier, higher-quality ingredients,” TIME reports.

“Their food IQ is so high today,” Hot Pockets’ marketing director Daniel Jhung told the publication, “Two-thirds say they consider themselves foodies and they talk about being into prosciutto and angus beef. I was shocked at how knowledgeable they were about food. I know I didn’t talk about food like that when I was 21.”

In other words, because we’re food snobs who no longer appreciate the joy of cheap, easy munchie cures, Hot Pockets is giving us fancy new hipster munchie cures – score. Not to mention the new flavors also come with a money back guarantee for the 3-out of 5 people who actually prefer the cardboard stuff – double score.

But hey, why stop there? The way I see it, if they’re going to pander anyway, we might as we hold out for the gruyere and lobster ones, right? Get on it, Nestle.

H/T + PicThx TIME