I get it. I do. Sometimes, the standard teddy-bear-holding-a-chocolate-rose thing gets boring. Even I get tired of champagne sometimes. You wanna spice up your Valentine’s Day. Completely understandable. That’s fine. We have Pinterest now, and I’m sure they can offer hundreds of unique ideas, okay, guys? It’ll be okay. You don’t have to revert to any of these things. In fact, please don’t. Ladies, if you’re reading this and you wanted fly juice, I’m sorry. Write me — we’ll fix things.

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1. Heart-Boiled Eggs (Get it?)

These are cute . . . for breakfast. But giving anyone a hard boiled egg for anything ever is just . . . no.

H/T + PicThx Instructubles

2. Raw Beef Bouquet

“Carpaccio!” she’ll say if she’s a foodie. “What the hell?” she’ll say if she isn’t. Or if she’s normal.

H/T + PicThx Gizmodo

3. Lover’s Chips

Even if these potato chips are heart-shaped, lemon pepper and “sugar butter”? What is that?

4. Heart-Shaped Frying Pan

Cute! Until you make her use it.

H/T + PicThx Homes and Bargains

5. Spanish Fly Juice

It’s an aphrodisiac, and it’s exactly what it sounds like. Apparently, it can also cause “itchy genitalia,” fever, seizures, and oh yeah, death. Happy Valentine’s Day, honey!

H/T + PicThx Bizarre Food

6. Pizza Box Proposal

Popping the question is one thing. Popping the question with a $10,000 pizza? Maybe not.

H/T + PicThx izismile

7. Anatomically Correct Jell-O Heart

Maybe if you guys met in a bio lab?

H/T + PicThx GeekAlerts

8. Beef Jerky Underwear, AKA “Brief Jerky”

If I have to tell you what’s wrong here, it might be too late to save your V-Day.

H/T + PicThx Technabob

9. Candy Nipple Tassels

Hint: Don’t ever combine those three words ever.

H/T + PicThx ShadePlus

10. Penis Pop

. . . no comment.

H/T + PicThx PartyPops

Header PicThx Pingapore