Gents, just in case you need any last minute gift ideas for Valentines Day, this post shouldn't help at all. Whataburger, the Texas-headquartered hamburger chain with 750 locations in 10 states, announced that the Whataburger Ketchup Lover's Bundle is available for purchase though its website and includes a 20-ounce bottle of Whataburger Fancy Ketchup, Ketchup Blanket, Ketchup T-Shirt, Ketchup Mouse Pad and a Ketchup Reusable Grocery Bag. I'm not only impressed by the sheer amount of ketchup items in one bag (who knew?), but more importantly the fact that I was able to use Ketchup in a sentence six times. Personal record. Here are the pros and cons of getting this for your significant other.
CON: Everything is Based on A CONdiment
What's the best way to say I love you? By telling your girlfriend that you know how much she likes to eat. And specifically that she likes to eat so much she's willing to sport it on five everyday items. Either she's going to break up with you or keep you abstinent for years.
CON: Not Boys II Men or Brian McKnight CONcert Tickets
Hopefully you don't have a girlfriend that's expecting chocolate, roses, a $$$$ Yelp dinner, and a Boys II Men concert opened by Brian McKnight. But just in case you do, this lover's bundle probably shouldn't be the gift opening OR closing your night. As much as I've dreamed about wearing my Whataburger Fancy Ketchup T-Shirt while singing Although we've come, to the END OF THE ROAD, I realize I may be in the minority. But still I can't let go. It's unnatural. You belong to me Ketchup. And I will always belong to you.
PRO & CON: Ketchup Stain-PROof Products
Why is the blanket, t-shirt and mouse pad red? For Valentines Day? NOPE. Because it matches the Ketchup Bottle?! Probably, but here's the best reason: because you can spill ketchup all over these items and they look better. Eating the six french fries at your desk because you ate the rest on the car ride? That mouse pad sure looks like a good place to place to squeeze your ketchup. You'll be able to eat fries and greasify your keyboard without leaving your desk. And if your girlfriend wasn't completely offended by the initial surprise of this ketchup lover's bundle, she might be when she figures out you gave her the ketchup-slob-proof t-shirt and blanket.
PRO: Not A PROmise Ring
You've seen the gleam in her eye. But you're unsure if the gleam was from the reflection of diamonds from the jewelry store window or if it was the portal to her soul hoping for an eternal future with you. Sure, you tried to lure her away from the window by offering to purchase a chocolate-covered candy apple. But it didn't work. And now you have to get her something. I'm sure this Ketchup Bundle will almost mean as much. And Whataburger offers free ground shipping? Where do you sign?
PRO: Keeps Her Standards Low, PRObably
She already knows that you're nothing like the guys from the movies. But with this gift you can ensure that all you'll need for the next Valentines Day is a package of mustard related products. Rotating condiment gifts? A lot cheaper than jewelry. Bonus: your fridge will be stocked.