The Horrible Drinks You Have In College

Everybody makes mistakes, but the world universally decided that college was the place to make most of them. Whether you only had a handful of wild nights or were a social butterfly, one of these drinks likely led to your face getting intimate with a toilet.

Malibu Bay Breeze


If Cillian Murphy’s portrayal of an assassin in Red Eye, didn’t make you terrified to trust another Malibu Bay Breeze, your evolving palate should have eventually gotten you to drop this tangy, but sweet drink.

Since most bartenders don’t care about Malibu and are constantly trying to get rid of it, you always get at least double the rum. Perfect for a budget, but awful for your stomach.

Vomit Countdown: 3-5 drinks or 15 minutes after whenever you start playing 80s power ballads on the jukebox.

Long Island Iced Tea

long island iced tea

Photo CreditEduardo Quagliato

This ultimate “I need to get drunk right now” drink uses just about every type of alcohol except for whiskey. Any story that starts with you ordering a LIIT typically ends in sorrow, stomach-pumping, and/or the complete and utter destruction of a friendship.

But there’s nothing quite like that first hour’s euphoria.

Vomit Countdown: 2-4 drinks or 10 minutes after you start dancing on bar furniture.

Vodka Tonic

vodka tonic

Photo Credit: Andi Szilagyi

While this drink transcends age, the main problem with drinking a vodka tonic in college was that you had no idea what good vodka tasted like/couldn’t afford to not choose the well vodka. As a result, you end up drinking rubbing alcohol with a lime and develop an undeserved aversion to vodka.

Vomit Countdown: 4-8 drinks; 3 if it’s Everclear.

Jager Shots

yeager

Jagermeister is having a renaissance at the moment thanks to ballsy mixologists, but, in pure shot form, it’s still wildly polarizing.

Vomit Countdown: 5-12 shots (I know you don’t remember that one night, but Sara’s couch definitely does) or about three seconds after you say “I don’t feel so hot.”

 

Jungle Juice

Jungle juice, the dementor of the mixed drink community, will take away all the fun memories you’re making while you drink it. But you probably wouldn’t have done any of those things without this potion anyway.

Vomit Countdown: 1-2 Solo Cups or 20 minutes after calling your ex.

 

Andre

Look, we all love mimosas and nothing drowns out the astringent taste of Andre like fruit juice, but there are so many better inexpensive sparkling wines to grab. Just go up a shelf. One shelf.

Vomit Countdown: You could probably down a few bottles before ralphing, but the headache will kick in about a bottle in.

More content

Culture
Celebrity Chef And Food Network Star Anne Burrell Dies At 55
Celebrity Chef Anne Burrell—known for her signature spiky hair, culinary talent, and longtime role as host of Worst Cooks in America—tragically passed away on Tuesday,…
,
Eating Out
Wendy’s And Takis Team Up For Fiery ‘Fuego Meal’
Wendy’s is putting a sizzling spin on its classic Spicy Chicken Sandwich with the help of Takis. The two have fusion ha’d to create a…
,
Culture
Pizza Craving Ends With $1 Million Win For Retired California Vet
Imagine going out for pizza and walking away $1 million richer—that’s exactly what happened to 72-year-old retired veteran McKinley Nelson from California. While out with…
,
Burger
We Deliver!

Enter your email address below and we'll deliver our top stories straight to your inbox