Prison-Inspired Recipes Feed Your 'Orange is the New Black' Obsession

We have nothing but sympathy for the newly forged fans of Netflix's original series "Orange is the New Black." One minute you're sacrificing meals, sleep, and personal hygiene in order to marathon all thirteen episodes, the next you're left adrift with nothing but a cliffhanger season finale and a shimmering mirage of a promised second season to keep you going. And season 2 isn't coming out until 2014. We know you're hurting. We know it's hard. But you've been sentenced to spend the next few months without your favorite characters, and you're just going to have to make the best of a sad situation . . . by making all of their favorite meals, of course.


In a genius marketing move, Netflix released a series of Orange is the New Black-themed "Prison Cuisine" recipes so you can bring yourself one step closer to the life lived behind bars. And don't worry, Red's infamous tampon sandwich is definitely not on the list.


There's the Prison Pad Thai that turns your commissary-regulation box of ramen into a peanut-flavored delicacy:



The Prison Pasteles (Tamales) that'll put Red's breakfast eggs to shame:


The Correctional Cheesecake, just in case Miss Claudette refuses to make you her famous coconut cake:



The Cell Caramel Lattes that'll quickly hide your stolen screwdriver from Pornstache:


And finally, Red's Powerful Chicken Kiev.



Because let's be real, Red knows how the power hierarchy really works.

Keep hanging in there, and we'll see you all on the other side.

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