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The Pizza Hut 'Pie Tops' Kick Hunger To The Curb With The Press Of A Button

When I was a kid, I always told people that I was named after the badass Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, Raphael. I wasn't; but I thought it was a nice ice breaker. I imitated their martial arts, said shit like "Cowabunga!" and definitely always ate pizza on any opportunity I had.

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Now, as a grown-up pizza consuming adult and sneaker enthusiast, hearing about the creation of Pizza Hut's "Pie-Top" sneaker has me wanting to violently throw my hard earned money at these soles. I mean, it's the most unnecessary, frivolous, bluetooth-powered sneaker I would ever own. But at the touch of a button on the tongue, it will order you a damn pizza! So that makes it absolutely worth the spend, right?

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Designed in collaboration with the famous Sneaker Surgeon, Pizza Hut created 64 exclusive pairs of the "Pie Top" to "kick off" their first year as the official pizza of the NCAA, and are not likely to have a general release to the public.

The sneaker uses bluetooth and geolocation to instantly order your pizza by touch of the shoe tongue. It's easily the most futuristic sneaker out there. Yes, even more than the Nike Air Mag. I mean, would you rather have a shoe that ties itself...or feeds you?

I rest my case.