9 Sketchy-Looking Deli Meats That Almost Make Me Want to Be Vegan

Not sure if kids enjoy eating sandwiches with faces printed on the meat, but it’s super creepy. This looks like a carefully orchestrated vegan Jedi mind trick where they’re trying to scare the hell out of kids and make them stay away from meat products. Plaster some clown faces on broccoli. Let’s see if it makes people want to eat it any more.

Maybe it’s effective marketing. I don’t know. You take a look for yourself, and tell me if bologna with a confused looking baby on the wrapper makes you hungry.

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Bärchen Lunch Meat

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Bärchen is German for bear. So if you go to Berlin, you can find a series of bear lunch meats including Bärchenwurst, and Bärchen-Salami.

PicThx Berlining

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Dora the Explorer

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I know kids love Dora the Explorer, but I don’t need her exploring my lunch meat like some health inspector with a terrible Miley Cyrus bowl cut. Get it together, Holland.

PicThx Reddit

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Kinda Looks Like Ness from SSB

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Here, son. Eat this meat with a caricature that looks like your classmate.

PicThx Geekologie
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Dinosaur Turkey

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I get why this would sound like a good idea. Dino chicken nuggets were life when we were kids, but this just looks gross. Turkey’s hard enough to eat without a bleach stain on it.

PicThx The Guardian

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Emoji Fail

Someone in South Australia thought that putting these creepy smiley faces on lunch meat was a great idea. I’ll never look at your smiley face Emoji the same again.

PicThx Bung Fritz
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Billy Bear Sausage

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Try enjoying a sandwich while this Pedobear lovingly stares into your eyes.

PicThx Reddit

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Bearded Lady Meat

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This Conchita Wurst is named after, well, Conchita Wurst. Wurst is an Austrian singer that dresses in drag and has an awesome beard. As powerful as that beard may be, it doesn’t belong in lunch meat, giving you an unwanted mustache ride.

PicThx Evoke.ie

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Soylent Green

baby bologna

This bologna is suspiciously packaged with a baby around the wrapper. Even the tag calls it “Baby Bologna.” What is this Terminus? Don’t be serving us baby meat, WinCo.

PicThx Reddit

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