If Your Wedding Doesn't Include this Sushi Cake, You're Doing Marriage Wrong


The only thing better than a sushi wedding cake is sticking it to the haters who can't handle the glory of your fish-infused wedding celebration. I came across this sushi masterwork as the #1 entry on a Worst Wedding Cakes list, and was actually pretty outraged that something this perfect got stuck on any kind of diss list. If you're one of the people who'd reject a sushi cake over the frosting-heaped alternative, allow me to lay out exactly what you're missing.

Fish is a natural aphrodisiac, so gorging yourself at the buffet table will only increase your chances of an A+ honeymoon. It's true that your more conservative relatives might be a bit shocked by the eccentricity of a salmon-themed dessert dish, but you know they'll be Instagramming that sh*t like the "share" button is a life preserver in a sea of rapidly hardening fondant. And if the sushi is particularly tasty? You'll be the social media darling of everyone's Facebook newsfeeds. Plus, sushi is effing delicious, environmentally friendly, and will keep you smart well into old age.

But hey, if you'd rather spend your wedding night snoring atop an enormous pile of shattered expectations, go ahead and order the chocolate cake with tiers of buttercream frosting. It'll make for some sleepy and sluggish sexcapades, bore everyone to tears in the traditional "cutting the cake" photos, and your great aunt Muriel will be able to tell everyone that she could bake a better one while knitting with both hands tied behind her back. Personally, I'd go with sushi, but it's your sex life.


Step-by-step instructions to the sushi cake of your dreams can be found over at