Dangling Mushroom and Carrot Sweater Shorts, For Your Own Dangling Mushrooms and Carrots

This is all PETA’s fault. If it wasn’t for that damn veggie-dick video, imagining male genitalia as produce would have remained the safely hidden pastime of desperate housewives. But now the internet’s gotten a hold of it, and apparently, it’s not letting go.

This winter, because you know if you don’t, someone else will, why not buy yourself a pair of these vegetable-inspired “Sexy men Shorts” from etsy? Apparently they’re “ideal for cold weather” and not itchy at all. Just don’t be surprised if more than one confused visitor decides to take a bite, or judges you for being more baby carrot than full-blown carrot stick.

“Sexy Men” Veggie Sweater Shorts: $50-75 @ etsy