9 Tips To Make You The Michael Jordan Of Beer Pong

via Instagram @Yaypril

1. Choose a good teammate (as well as a like-minded one).

You’re looking to win, so here’s an insider trade secret: pick someone good. Your teammate should have the hand-eye coordination of Superman and the muscle memory of Batman. Height is also a bonus, since lanky arms can be lethal. The only problem is that sometimes the ones that want to win the hardest are the most unbearable. They argue about the rules, get aggressive out of nowhere, and do this weird thing where they act like the captain of your two-person team. Make sure your level of competitiveness matches up with them.

2. Start from the front and work forward.

Unless you’re really trying to impress someone and don’t mind making your teammate panic, go for the easy shots first. Get them out of the way. Hit that first cup and push onward. You’ll be able to hit those initial harder shots easier when you get a re-rack.

3. Discover your steez.

Find a technique of throwing that works for you. There’s no right or wrong way as long as the ball makes it in the cup. Look to grip the ball well, toss it down, and aim true. Beyond that, keep experimenting if you think your groove’s a long way off. Or drink more, which always helps with experimentation…

4. Keep your balls dry and your momentum wet.

If your challenger’s ball, by some miracle, doesn’t touch a slimy party floor, a messy collage of spilled drinks and loose papers of scribbled phone numbers, grab it like destiny and send it flying back into the cups of your opponents/enemies after a single bounce. Feel the game, play in the moment; don’t act like this is a trick shot where you need complete silence and total poise.

5. Pay attention.

Take the game seriously (without becoming the jock-dweeb-monster who takes it too seriously). Notice what cups you’re missing and how you’re missing them. It’ll better inform your reracks. Consistency can become reflex and routine, which is good, as long as as you’re not consistently missing. Keep track of your heartbeat. If it sounds like a metal song, it’ll muck up your motion. if it sounds like slow jazz, this too will make your movements a bit off. You want the balance of relaxed and focused.

6. Remember that it’s a drinking game.

Beer pong is a well-crafted game made by drunks for drunks. You need to stay loose. Otherwise, a lack of buzz will send some doubts your way. You want confidence, poise, and swagger. Even when you’re not playing, don’t let your buzz die—or so will your game. Drink like an ox, play like a horse, win like an eagle.

7. Mess with their mind, not their eyeline.

Don’t flail your arms like this is a freshman basketball game. It’s a move for kids, who will do it in every game-sport from miniature golf to billiards. By the time a person’s in their 20s, they’ve learned to ignore waving hands. Sure, sticks and stones may break your bones, but verbal jabs will take up residence inside an opponent. The right observation or reminder can dig its way in like a parasite. Bring up missed shots, distract them with comments, and call out how sadly the teams are mismatched in your favor. Put the pressure on and never let go.

8. Never be the worst.

Getting screwy with a competitor’s head is part of the game, but it doesn’t have to be component of the victory or aftermath. If you win, let the game end there—unless the other team said some horrendously bogus things about your family (in which case, by all means, destroy them). If you lose, don’t flip the table and stomp through the party like you have to take revenge on the entire crowd for simply witnessing your loss.

9. Don’t just party; compete.

Playing beer pong at blowout house parties is one of the most fun things you can do. But it won’t always make you a better player. Like how a fun Saturday night card game doesn’t exactly put you at the big spender table in Las Vegas poker tournaments, you need to try big pressure on for size and see if it fits you. Check out weekly beer pong tournaments at local bars to become the ultimate all-or-nothing, this-is-it, go-big-or-go-home, Eye-of-the-Tiger, maybe-even-The-Final-Countdown beer pong champion you always knew you could be.