What Being a Burger on Tinder Taught Me About Men

tinder-burger

This story was originally written by Anonymous for 7Deadly

It should come as no surprise that a Tinder Perfect 10 is a double patty with bacon. In less than three days, over 1,000 men in the Orange County area right-swiped on my Tinder profile featuring a burger named “Patty” before the profile was shut down. Meet Patty, the juicy burger I created that had men sexting up a storm.

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The inspiration for my Tinder alterego came after having putting up with a constant stream of uninvited proposals on my personal account. I started to think — does it actually matter if I’m a hot 20-something girl, or will guys sext with anything? Turns out, they will. After filtering through hundreds of messages, I picked out 25 of my personal faves. It’s up to you to decide who is trolling, who has the munchies, and who is looking for love in all the wrong right places.

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The Opportunist

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That’s right, people. I got numbers. As a burger.

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The Stage 5 Clinger

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The Connoisseur

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Aw, you fancy huh?

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The Ketchup Guy

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The Soulmate

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Too good to be true.

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The Guy Who Missed the Point

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Try Google Images.

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The Thirsty Guy

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I hate to say this Rami, but you might want to expand your horizons given the kind of game you got…

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The Scientist

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Oh Matthew, do me like your homework.

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“Dark Meat”

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The Vegetarian

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After this, he proceeded to try to talk to me about my feelings.

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The Poet

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“Wet lettuce.” Also, I just threw up a little bit.

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The Cheater

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We’re done.

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The Keeper

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Matty, I swiped the seven seas for you.

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The Nice Guy

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Yeah, you surpassed the previous low, which was right-swiping on a burger.

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The Quiet One

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The Biter

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Okay Hannibal, slow down.

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The Funny Guy

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Or should I say, the punny guy.

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The One Who’s Been Around

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Man, what is it with dudes and redheads?

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That 90s Baby

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The One Who Can’t Spell

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The Role Player

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The Artist

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Picasso would be proud.

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The One That Blows Up Your Phone

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The Kinky One

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#doggystyle

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The Existentialist

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Well, that kind of put a damper on things.

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Hope you enjoyed my burger sextcapades. See you on the flip-side… of the grill. Or on Tinder. Next up, Pinky the Taco. #swiperight.

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