Me, Sean (right) talking with my new weed guidance counselor Chef Miguel Trinidad

Gourmet cannabis cuisine? I've had pot brownies and cookies before, but I never had a full brunch menu that had promise of getting me high.

Prior to this early AF Sunday morning, I had received a friend-of-a-friend-of-another-friend-I-kind-of-know type invite to a private brunch at the Roosevelt Hotel in Los Angeles. All the food would be laced with THC and I would have a 'pleasurable high' amidst some delicious cuisine. All I had was an address, a promise that a prominent NYC chef would be in the kitchen and an opportunity to learn that edibles could be enjoyed in moderation without spiraling into the dark abyss of a "bad trip."

How is an event like this legal in a state where marijuana is not? Will there be armed guards at the door like they stand outside my local clinic? I needed a friend on this journey of cannabis cuisine questions...

Picking up my weed-friendly colleague Marc

I was hungover. I got to Marc's place and I literally just poured out of my car and onto the concrete. I'm splayed across his driveway like some floozy on the cover of Maxim, trying my hardest not to puke last night's Jameson into his rose bushes. Finally, he comes outside and we're on our way.

While Marc is driving, I'm scouring the internet for answers concerning the legality of this shindig. We eventually realized that you're allowed to do whatever you want at a private event, hence why it was made private.

We push off to the Roosevelt. As I write this, I am of a sound mind, albeit a tired one thanks to all the Jameson I drank last night. Once I start eating the food, however, I might devolve into nonsensical pothead talk, so bear with me.

The Event

Chef Miguel Trinidad, a popular Dominican chef based in NYC, teamed up with a packaged goods company called 99th Floor to create a cannabis curated cuisine. Basically, we're going to be eating fancy food with weed in it. Of course, we did just stop at McDonald's on the way there, because there's no better way to soak up a hangover than 2 McGriddles. We headed to the event early to meet Chef Miguel and his team and to learn more about what their goal was.

As soon as we arrived, we walked through an unguarded door and were each given two packaged candies, with each candy containing a little THC. Marc, being the more responsible one, is waiting a little bit before eating his candy, while I just shoved it into my mouth like I've never seen food before. I must be making a good impression.

So far that's two edibles in my belly.

Chef Miguel Trinidad (right) getting things ready!

Marc and I are currently sitting down with Chef Migs as he explains to us what the purpose of this entire endeavor is. Haha, endeavor, that's a fun word to say. "Endeavor." Alright, I think the edibles are working, I feel un-smart. But I digress...

Chef Migs says, "The point of the food is that the THC should be taken in small doses, similarly to how wine is sipped. It's still about the food and the taste first and foremost, the high is just a bonus. When it comes to the candies, we put an emphasis on them being as organic as possible and not drenched in sugar like the edible candy at the dispensary."

The Cannabis Food

Out comes popovers with with guava butter.

I'm not totally sure what a popover is, but it looks like some sort of hollow sweet bread roll. It's kind of weird how empty it is inside, I feel like they meant to put something inside then just forgot.

HOLY SHIT.

HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT.

This guava butter is the most amazing thing I've ever tasted. Maybe I'm just high as hell right now, but this butter is literally the best thing that's ever happened to me. I would trade away my family just to lay naked for five minutes in a tub of this guava butter. I would suck a fart out of a Rosie O'Donnell's ass just to get more of this heavenly guava butter.

I'm also starting to get pretty high at this point. You know when weigh 205 pounds, but you feel like you weigh a flat 200? Right now I'm that light. Or high. Good scale.

Three edibles down.

Up next is the quiche! Personally, I think it should be spelled "keesh", but again, I'm higher than a giraffe's ass right now. Like 199 pounds.

Whoa! This thing's got bacon layered gently into the middle, that makes things much more interesting!

It was delicious, and now it's gone. Also, the waitress is hot. She's wearing these shorts that-- you know what, I'm not going to get into that right now. You're hungry, Sean, not horny, get it together perv.

So far I've consumed four edibles worth of THC.

Rounding out our three course meal is Chef Miguel's shrimp and grits, with poached egg, buttery grits and chipotle butter. I'm not a big grits guy, but the shrimp and egg portions were amazing. At this point I'm as baked as a batch of funfetti cupcakes, and I think Marc is too, he keeps giggling at my tank top of two bears playing beer pong. BEAR pong, haha. #JustBearThings

That's the fifth edible, and the last one. Yeah, no, anthropology is a great major to choose for undergrad, way to go Sean. Idiot. The interest rates on my student loans were pretty high. I'm high?

It turns out that there was actually supposed to be a fourth part to this meal: a pork belly benedict, complete with hush puppies, hollandaise and a garden salad. Unfortunately for us, we were too busy being high and slow to realize that there was no more pork belly benedict available.

We are sad, but we're also lit, so we're cool. You ever feel like your elbow has a string attached to the ceiling, and the ceiling is in control?

By the way, is it literally a pork belly? Does anyone know? I don't know why I'm presenting this as if I were actually talking to people, let's not dwell on this. Moving on!

A guy named Wally just showed up.

He's lounging about on the couch and the way he's sitting suddenly reminds me of the Cheshire Cat. Also, maybe I'm just high, but he's hysterical and I'm stoked he's eating with us. I would totes follow him into Wonderland.

I'm laughing to myself imagining two teams of five people each hitting him back and forth over a net. You ready for this? Wallyball. HA! I think he thinks I'm a psycho. #JustWallyThings

This is Wally. He is my favorite of all the humans.

Alright, now I need to interview Chef Miguel about this whole thing. I'm trying to tell Marc I'm too baked to do it and he keeps saying, "You're fine bro, just be yourself." So I was myself, and Marc said I did a good job, but I can't stop thinking about how dumb I must have looked. Whatever, I'm high and I'm bowling on the 3rd floor of the Roosevelt Hotel, what do I have to complain about? Well, Marc cut out all my speaking parts of this video:

As the event comes to a close, Marc and I head back to the car discussing how good of a day we had, and wondering who closes the bus door when the bus driver gets off. Baffling, right?

It's safe to say that the day was a success. While I'm struggling to remember the latter half of my adventure, I can safely say that what Chef Miguel has done today was a great step in the right direction for the marijuana culture in America. Hey, at least someone is going in the right direction, right? Because I'm lost as shit right now.