I'm yearning for something healthy, something refreshing -- hell, anything that's gonna clean my system of this hangover. Anything but this begrudgingly delicious Doughrito I'm soon to discover.
I can still taste the stray gin on my breath from the night before. My lips still red from the wine, a few burps also remind me that I had some beer in the mix at some point. A wedding had brought me down to the quiet Orange County town of Mission Viejo the night before, and as my sobriety began to kick the shit out of the heinous hangover eating through my brain I find my hideaway in a quiet donut shop.
Surfin' Donuts, I'm unsure if it's the only of its kind in the area -- frankly, my hangover doesn't care.
Painted window clings were of the normal confused variety, advertising an array of fresh donuts, Mexican food and the equally obvious fresh fruit Acai Bowls. I could use an equalizer, so my co-hort and I feverishly order up a couple Acai Bowls and coffee.
Then I see this Microsoft Word masterpiece hanging in an Ikea frame:
A donut fucking burrito? In my haze, I chalk up the sign to leftover alcohol in my system. "The doughrito?" I ask the kind lady ringing me up.
"Yeah, it's new," she clamored, pulling my cup for coffee and punching furiously on her iPad ordering system.
"I'll take one. Bacon and sausage. Glazed donut please."
I spend the next few minutes staring at the donut case, trying to imagine what my Doughrito will resemble. I gaze at the rows of donuts, asking myself some pressing questions, "Will I put salsa on this thing? Do I pour syrup on it? Will I have a stomach ache?"
Then it came out:
The red salsa is perfect if you're looking to have your interiors ruptured. For other mouthgasms, I highly recommend their green. Since I had to do the testing, I accidentally went with the red:
Each bite was better than the last. The burrito was built in their back kitchen area void of the Chipotle-like transparency, but the donuts they used seemed to work perfectly for the burrito build. The glaze had more of a dampness than I'm accustomed to, which made it an almost ambient part of the entire burrito eating experience. Some might even confuse it for softer, sweeter potato rounds.
Well Surfin' Donuts, no need to choose between sweet or savory for breakfast. No more need to choose between donuts or eggs. You've accomplished the ideal #BreakfastGoals in one fell swoop -- and the delicious Doughrito is it.