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Subway Addresses $5 Footlong Controversy in this Hilariously Fake Onion Report

Onion-Subway-Footlong

Turns out anyone trying to get healthy off Subway sandwiches was doing it wrong this entire time. The Onion fictitiously reports that Subway executives meant for the popular $5 footlong special to be split among two people. In fact, they're in downright disbelief that anyone can tackle a footlong sub all on their own. Who does that, right?

The sandwich chain states that they're "deeply sorry" if customers were led to believe eating an entire 12-inch sandwich was healthy for them. It was never meant to. In response to angry patrons, Subway modified their marketing strategy, clearing up any misconceptions that a footlong was meant for a single person in one sitting.

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Check out the hilarious piece of satire below and you'll never eat a $5 footlong again. No, you probably will.