You gotta love the thoughts you have when only half your neurons are firing. Yes, you can get that girl’s number. Yes, you can jump that far. Yes, you should totally steal your neighbor’s cat.

Last Saturday, a well-meaning dipsomaniac from Chico, Calif. apparently stumbled around on a quest to liberate stray felines from homelessness. Trouble (you know aside from being drunk and a cat person) was that at some point our hero “accidentally” picked up a housecat named Duh-Jan-Go and took him home. You can see how that little mission panned out for yourself here:

(Click to enlarge)

“If anyone is missing a cat name Django (pronounced Jango the D is silent) I stole him last night. Not on purpose, I was extremely intoxicated and thought he was just some random stray I was rescuing. It was not until this morning when I was haphazardly going for a glass of water that I remembered I took the cat and noticed that he a collar. Django is a very frisky black cat, he also has very sleepy eyes and appears to be stoned although I don't think he is. If Django belongs to you I would like to give him back, I have been feeding him cheese all morning and I really don't want him to shit all over my apartment. So please feel free to get back to me and get your cat back. Thanks! And sorry for stealing him (on accident)”

One commenter on Thought Catalog has since come forward proclaiming herself the cat thief in question, proving that everyone has stupid drunk friends to not talk them out of their stupid drunk decisions. Luckily she says the cat made it home and actually happened to belong to someone in the neighboring apartment complex. Let’s just hope we can keep our own consciences as clean as hers come Monday. Meow.

H/T + PicThx Reddit