I was once eating out with a Japanese friend when he stopped and told me I was “using my chopsticks wrong.” Now, as a lifelong Asian-adjacent eater (we Filipinos are always told to fill out the “Pacific Islander” box, after all), this took me by surprise. Chopsticks . . . wrong? Did I not tuck the first stick under my thumb firmly? And did I not add the second stick as if I was holding a pencil? And was I or was I not holding the first chopstick in its original position while moving the second one up and down? With this one statement, every paper hashi packet I’d ever torn and hastily thrown aside was called into question. If I didn’t know how to use chopsticks correctly, what exactly did I know?

More than three years later, though, I’m glad to report that everything finally makes sense. It wasn’t so much that I wasn’t using my utensils correctly, but that the Japanese just like to eat like total crazy people.

This hilarious parody video by Japanese comedy duo Rahmens teaches us how to properly use chopsticks, from the correct breaking methods to more advanced holding techniques. In fact, only amateurs even split their wooden chopsticks before using them anymore. The experts just grab another pair to serve as their second sticks. BOOM, like a daimyo.

Check out the video below to get yourself learned. Trust me, the "Phoenix" and "Galaxy" techniques make everything worth it.

H/T Laughing Squid